Things They Are A-Changin'

A few weeks ago I decided I'd finally had enough with the creeping weight gain and fitness loss due to anti-depressant-induced lethargy. Way back in early May when all this originally went down, the plan was for me to be back in my old position in a couple of months. But the hunt for the right replacement dragged on and on. For a long time fear of a return to the panic attacks kept me on the medication longer than the doctor and I had planned. Eventually, though, I reached the point that I couldn't wait around for events out of my control to occur and the need to sieze my life back outweighed my fear. I quit cold turkey. There was a bit of withdrawal light-headedness, but also an instant energy gain. I'm back in training full time again instead of just trying to hang on and am in a much better mood these days. It's been a good change.

Then Monday night my supervisor swang by to tell me they'd finally found my replacement and I get to go back to my old job in November. Now I'm really happy. Yet also a bit sad. I'm actually glad the process took so long. If they'd hired someone immediately, when the trauma I went through was still fresh, my experiment with management would have been a purely negative experience. Staying longer has given me time to get through the crisis and experience the job from a basically stable perspective. I've gotten good feedback from both my staff and my supervisors, and know now I can do the job if I ever feel so inclined again. I've gotten to where I can enjoy the job and feel positive about it. I'm still sure I enjoy working with kids more (and books like Captain Underpants) and can do without the pressure of being the responsible one, but it's not so bad anymore and I'll miss my staff and the branch.