Before You Talk About Abortion

I’m going to borrow a story that’s not my own. It’s one I’ve observed—not closely—so I may get some things wrong, but this is what I know. As I know it, it addresses both sides of the debate, so I hope the involved parties forgive me for what I distort.

The involved parties happen to be my cousin and her husband. An ultrasound led to the discovery that the fetus in one of their pregnancies had microcephaly. They were advised to abort, told the baby’s quality of life would be so bad it would be best not to proceed. They agonized over the difficult decision and in the end accepted the doctor’s advice. They did not take the decision lightly, but instead did their best to honor the life they were ending. They gave their child a name, held and cradled it, and had a private funeral and burial.

They were faced with the same choice their next pregnancy, another fetus with microcephaly. They knew choosing not to abort would be a life-changing decision with much more impact and hardship than an average child. They knew his quality of life might not be what they would hope for. They decided to carry the pregnancy to term anyway, not wanting to through the same agony they had the first time. Though different than most people, Max is now in his twenties and has lived a happy life that has brought much joy to theirs.

So if you are going to say people should not have the right to make a choice to have an abortion, know that you are talking about the weightiest of choices those people must make. They don’t decide casually and easily without distress or regret; they know they are making the choice to take a life. Whether you see it or not, they will experience that child a person, give them a name, imagine all the potential futures they are taking away. They will experience their own version of funeral and burial for the child. They know they are choosing to live with regret and mourning the rest of their lives. That is what pro-choice people are advocating for, the ability to make that awful decision when circumstances call for it and every other option seems worse.

And if you’re going to say people should have the right to make that choice, know that every life that gets aborted is Max. That you are saying the reasons for making that decision, no matter how valid, considered, and tearful, matter more than the experience of life that Max has lived. All of his joy, his meaning, his varied sensations, and the meaning he has brought to those in his life. You’re saying your decision—your right—is more important than him. That is what pro-life people are advocating for, giving Max a life regardless the circumstances and struggle it may bring.

Take those two ideas to heart. Know them. Feel them. Believe them. They should be the foundation for any debate, the starting point. They are what is up for consideration. So if, and only if, you are starting from there should you be having the discussion.