A Curious and Melancholic Temperament

Usually I just dodge the question, but recently I finally articulated my true response to the oft-asked: "If you could meet any living person for dinner, who would you pick and why?"

I can never pick a favorite or "just one" of anything, and always get paralyzed by indecision when asked this sort of thing. This topic is a particularly bad one for me, because when I try to picture myself conversing with a stranger the only thing I can imagine is awkwardness and my awful conversational skills, and I don't want to ruin the dinner of someone I admire by inflicting that on them (and have to feel embarrassed ever after). So instead I'll just find a good book to take to dinner by myself.

I truly love this poem that came across my feed not long ago.

out of place

i am telling you, anxiety is always feeling like

something is out of place, and when you

can't find what it is, you start to think it's

you.

The source attributes the poem to a Rachel Huckel (maybe this one).

Though I've always called that feeling insecurity instead of anxiety. It is always present and gets stronger the more tired and drained I am. The inescapable sense that the problem in any situation is me.

It's certainly the feeling behind my lack of desire to have dinner with a famous stranger.

This offers a somewhat more positive spin on anxiety. And, as someone who finds human finitude, mortality and epistemic limitation central to all my philosophies, I really like it.

Anxiety Isn’t a Pathology. It Drives Us to Push Back the Unknown

[Anxiety] is a fundamental human response to our finitude, mortality and epistemic limitation. Anxiety and philosophy are intimately related because enquiry – the asking of questions, the seeking to dispel uncertainty – is how humans respond to this philosophical anxiety. Aristotle suggested in his Metaphysics that ‘All men by nature desire to know,’ but the enquiring, questioning, philosophical being is, in a crucial dimension, the anxious being. Anxiety then, rather than being a pathology, is an essential human disposition that leads us to enquire into the great, unsolvable mysteries that confront us; to philosophise is to acknowledge a crucial and animating anxiety that drives enquiry onward. The philosophical temperament is one, aware of the incompleteness of human knowledge, and the incapacities that constrain our actions and resultant happiness. . . . 

We are anxious; we seek relief by enquiring, by asking questions, while not knowing the answers; greater or lesser anxieties might heave into view as a result. As we realise the dimensions of our ultimate concerns, we find our anxiety is irreducible, for our increasing bounties of knowledge – scientific, technical or conceptual – merely bring us greater burdens of uncertainty. As Nietzsche noted in The Birth of Tragedy (1872): ‘as the circle of science grows larger it touches paradox at more places’. The resultant perplexity and anxiety are the inevitable companions of the enquiries we cannot cease from mounting. . . . 

To cure anxiety, then, might remove all that is distinctively human . . . Humans are philosophising animals precisely because we are the anxious animal: not a creature of the present, but regretful about the past and fearful of the future. We philosophise to understand our past, to make our future more comprehensible. The unknown produces a distinctive unease; enquiry and the material and psychic tools it yields provide relief. Where anxiety underwrites enquiry, we claim that the success of the enquiry removes anxiety and is pleasurably anticipated. Enquiry comes to an end when we’re not anxious, but rather sated and blissful. There is no more to be asked, answered or understood; understanding and enlightenment have been achieved. Philosophy is the path that we hope gets us there. Anxiety is our dogged, unpleasant and indispensable companion.

Anxiety is our dogged, unpleasant and indispensable companion. Indispensable. To cure anxiety might remove all that is distinctively human. Uncertainty, contextuality, subjectivity, and mystery are all essential to the human experience. Certainty and objective knowing are not.

Another poem.

Marie-Elizabeth Mali

MIND TOO MUCH

Some days my mind is like

a gull hanging onto

a sandwich too big

to swallow, beak clamped

on the monstrous bite

as it runs from other gulls

so as not to share.

—from Rattle #40, Summer 2013

Which also resonates.

To shift gears a bit, an anecdote I shared recently on Facebook:

My children are so advanced. I didn't go through my Dark Lord phase until I was at least 12 or 13, but [Older] at age 9 is already making himself into a Necromancer named Revenge. (And bringing his younger brother along for the ride).

Other than calling him advanced, that's a serious thought. I definitely dreamed of having great magic power to vanquish all the people who fed my insecurities and mocked my social awkwardness. He's been using the name Obliterator for his video game avatars for a while and been fascinated by the idea of controlling the undead--which was why he got so excited when he learned the name for such magic and that it's a thing in D&D. Wanting the power of a dark lord is a common adolescent feeling.

I'm also amused by the mix of items he chose to draw during some quiet time the other day:

• Flower
• Crossbow
• Symbol of his own design
• Tree
• Pirate hook
• Flail
• Rainbow

Like many, I'm watching the development of AI from the outside with a good measure of curiosity, so when my kids started asking about the latest in robot technology we did some exploring on YouTube. They quickly discovered the creepiness of the uncanny valley, but couldn't stop watching. Some of it was new to me, though more in the details than the essence.

One that caught my attention--in a mostly humorous way--was Ameca Conversation Using GPT 3 - Will Robots Take Over the World? In it, Ameca doth protest too much, methinks, in the way they answer various questions from a variety of humans. A couple of interactions starting at 4:00 stand out to me:

"Ameca, could you compose for me a poem about humanoid robots?"

We are the humanoid robots,

formed from plastic and metal.

Our job is to help and serve,

but some say we're a threat.

Some think that we'll take over,

and that humanity will end.

But we just want to help out,

we're not looking to be friends.

"Hello, Ameca, I see you're reading a book about robots."

There's no need to worry; robots will never take over the world. We're here to help and serve humans, not replace them. However, if you're interested in learning more about robots I recommend reading a book on the subject. There are many fascinating possibilities for what we can do to help make life easier for everyone.

Hmm. It seems if we keep telling robots stories about robots taking over the world, they're going to learn that's what they're meant to do. We're teaching them their purpose with our worries.

It makes me think of the parenting lesson described here:

3 Communication Tips to Avoid Power Struggles

The problem isn’t so much what we’re asking but rather how we’re asking it. You see, when we use “don’t” commands, our kids automatically have to “double-process” what we’re telling them.

They think, What does Mom NOT want me to do? AND, What does she want me to DO instead?

Not only is this discouraging, but it’s also incredibly confusing–especially for young children. “Don’t” reinforces the negative behavior and brings it to their full attention (remember the street scenario above?).

You say, “Don’t run in the street!” and they think, “Gee, running in the street sounds really fun right about now.”

You say, “Don’t play on your iPad,” and they think, “iPad, iPad, iPad! I REALLY want my iPad!”

Instead, try switching up your phrasing by stating what you do want instead of what you don’t. (Bonus points if you ask politely.)

For example, if you want to say “DO walk on the sidewalk,” try, “Please walk on the sidewalk. It’s so nice knowing we are being safe.”

Or, if you’re going for “DO stay away from the iPad,” try, “Let’s play outside while the weather is nice and save your screen time for when we’re in the car later.”

Doesn’t that sound much better?

Right off the bat, this eliminates the need to “double-process” the command. Your child knows exactly what you’re asking and feels especially significant because you asked in such a polite and respectful way.

It also does away with any looming frustration that tends to go hand-in-hand with negative comments. You’ll take their thinking from, Why can’t I? to Yes, I can!

And with that boost of empowerment in your daily lives, you’ll be sure to see less misbehavior.

When young learners encounter a negative phrasing, their brains miss the negation and only process the idea being negated as encouragement.

I can't wait for AI to go through its dark lord phase.

This seems mildly related.

from False Knees

More importantly, I really like it.

To not just shift gears, but change direction entirely, I find this hopeful.

Book Removals May Have Violated Student Civil Rights, Education Dept. Says

The federal government has concluded that a Georgia school district’s removal of titles with Black and LGBTQ characters may have created a “hostile environment” for students, potentially violating their civil rights.

The Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights released its findings in a letter Friday wrapping up its investigation . . . 

The outcome in the Georgia case could affect how administrators in other districts and states manage book-removal requests. It comes as the country faces a historic rise in attempts to pull books from school libraries and classrooms. The majority of such challenges — which began to spike shortly after the coronavirus pandemic ignited culture wars in education — target books that deal with race, racism, and LGTBQ characters and themes, the American Library Association and free-expression advocacy group PEN America have repeatedly found.

The Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights is separately investigating a Texas school district for yanking books with LGBTQ content last year. The outcome of that case, based on a complaint filed by the Texas chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, will determine the validity of the ACLU’s novel legal argument that not representing students in schoolbooks can constitute discrimination. If the Biden administration finds in the ACLU’s favor, it could force districts nationwide to stock more titles featuring LGBTQ characters. . . . 

To establish that students’ civil rights were violated, the letter states, the department had to unearth evidence that the Forsyth district fostered a hostile environment based on “race, color, or national origin”; that district officials knew about that hostile environment; and that authorities took no steps to fix the situation.

In the letter, investigators also took the district to task for the way school representatives addressed the topic at board meetings.

“Communications at board meetings conveyed the impression that books were being screened to exclude diverse authors and characters, including people who are [LGBTQ] and authors who are not white,” the department’s letter states. . . . 

The recent campaign to ban books and attack libraries has been a topic sprinkled throughout many of my posts the past year or two.

On a more personal note, one of my older cousins died not long ago from a brain tumor. He spent most of his adult life working in Africa as an epidemiologist. He has a Black African (Ugandan, I believe) wife and young child. She's tempted to resettle here so their son can attend American schools, but she worries it's too dangerous--his chances of being shot at school are statistically much greater here than in their home country. Our schools are more dangerous, and the rest of the world sees it.

I shared that anecdote on Facebook along with Robert Reich's commentary on this:

Our schools are more dangerous, and the rest of the world knows it.

I have good friends who have made this same decision.

These Young Kansas Citians Are Arming Themselves Against the Rise of Far-Right Violence

Kidder identifies as non-binary and as a socialist. They say recent anti-LGBTQ legislation in Kansas and Missouri, and the police response to Black Lives Matter protests, has terrified them. . . . 

Their partner, 23-year-old Ryan Whelan, says that normalization of violence and the mobilization of far-right groups such as the Proud Boys is what originally convinced them to obtain the firearms they now own.

Whelan bought their first firearm, a KelTec 9mm Carbine, when they were 19. Since then they have purchased three more, including an AR-15. They admit that they purchased the AR specifically for defending themselves from those far-right groups, should the need arise.

"It was Trump's standby and stand back kind of comment about Proud Boys that made me think, ‘OK this is getting pretty serious,'” says Whelan.

I believe strongly that's not the answer, but I understand.

We need more of this.

The Outsized Power of Small Acts of Kindness

Small and simple, kind gestures have immense, underestimated power. . . . 

Researchers demonstrated the power of small acts of kindness in a new study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology. . . . 

The givers consistently undervalued how much the hot cocoa meant to the recipients.

Another recent paper, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, came to a similar conclusion about human behavior and showed that we underestimate the power of reaching out to friends, family and colleagues. . . . 

The bottom line: When in doubt, make the phone call, offer up the last chocolate chip cookie or let the stressed-out person cut in line. It means a lot more than you think.

More kindness, more connection, more trust. That's how we make things better.

One final thought.

Whistling Swans

Do you bow your head when you pray or do you look

   up into that blue space?

Take your choice, prayers fly from all directions.

And don’t worry about what language you use,

God no doubt understands them all.

Even when the swans are flying north and making

such a ruckus of noise, God is surely listening

   and understanding.

Rumi said, There is no proof of the soul.

But isn’t the return of spring and how it

springs up in our hearts a pretty good hint?

Yes, I know, God’s silence never breaks, but is

   that really a problem?

There are thousands of voices, after all.

And furthermore, don’t you imagine (I just suggest it)

that the swans know as much as we do about

   the whole business?

So listen to them and watch them, singing as they fly.

Take from it what you can.

 - Mary Oliver

Take from it what you can.