A Different Way to Look at It

Marriage equality for gays and lesbians has been a hot topic lately.  The vast majority of the arguments in favor run something along the lines of what this awesome guy has to say in this awesome speech: "It's not going to hurt anyone so stop feeling so threatened."



And while I agree to a point and certainly agree with the stance, I think the most insightful thing I've seen says something quite different.  And more honest, in a way, because it acknowledges those who fear it do have something real to fear.

Same-Sex Marriage Does Threaten "Traditional" Marriage

Same-sex marriage threatens the very foundation of what it means to BE a woman/wife or be a man/husband. Who is in charge? Who will submit? Who will raise the children? Who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship? These are not questions of sex or sexuality, they are questions of gender. . . .

But make no mistake – this is not just an opposition to homosexuality. This is the same opposition to single mothers. The same opposition to working mothers. And the same opposition to no-fault divorce. It is the opposition to feminists harping about men doing half the housework, and men doing it. AND it is the same source of opposition to reproductive rights. . . .

Along with same-sex marriage, all of these things DO threaten so-called “traditional” marriage because they empower individuals to make choices about their sexual and procreative lives. They threaten patriarchy, which is the real tradition here. . . .

Feminism has been arguing for genderless marriage – for marriage equality – for decades! Most of that focus has been on equality within marriage – in matters of housework, childrearing, and sexual satisfaction. Same-sex marriage is the next step in the struggle for marriage equality, but also in the broader struggle for gender equality. . . . 

I got a couple of comments when I shared this on Facebook, which I feel are worth preserving since they help clarify the point:

Friend 1: "Excellent point. No one ever seems to address the point that the foundations of traditional marriage NEED to be threatened."

Friend 2: "Does this mean I have to take out the trash. Because I think my hating taking out the trash has nothing to do with my gender. It's just gross and it's a pain to jimmy it through the small space in our garage to get it outside. LOL"

Me: "I think it means social constructions and pressure from our defining institutions shouldn't predetermine our roles for us, but that each one of us should get to decide and negotiate our roles for ourselves as unique individuals. (So trash duty shouldn't be determined by genitals, but by tolerance for ick factor and tight places :-) .)"